Reflecting back upon the teeter-tottered reality of my life, I thought the following phrase best captures it in it’s entirety.
There seems to have been no in-between.
Reality was either…
Riding high on cloud 9!
Reality was Traumatic AF.
When growing up, if I expressed in any way that my (experience, emotion, perception, idea or belief) of something or someone was lizard tails, I was promptly corrected and somehow convinced that it was confetti.
If my interpretation was that it was confetti I was made to believe that it was in fact, lizard tails.
I never seemed to get it right.
Never understanding up from down. I thought I did. But every time I turned around I was told I was going in the wrong direction. Except in school where I finally got things right…and so I excelled.
So here are some quotes for the bipolar-botched, confusion-cursed, gaslighted game we cane to know as our “identification of self.” Woven so carefully by the threads of mind control only a survivor of covert narcissistic abuse can comprehend. I no longer concern myself with those who never saw anything wrong, for it was I who had to spend a lifetime navigating my way through this 3-Ring Shit Show.
No longer needing to convince, at last I am free to provide myself with trust, patience, compassion and a really dark sense of humor.
Through it all I certainly became adept at one thing.
To find humor in ALL THINGS.
For the good days, the bad days, the good minutes, the bad minutes… the happy, the sad ~ as all of it, any of it might change from minute to minute.
So right now I’m just learning to ride the waves.
But one day…this young grasshopper will find the balance of the crystal, calm waters within…
Until then…damn lizard tails and confetti it is.
I alone choose to determine which is which.
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All my Love,